ShezzaSpeak!

ATTENTION TO THE IDIOT AT THE TRAIN STATION:

2011-09-12T11:54:00.000-04:00

Wait, let me narrow that down to the idiot blocking the escalators at the train station:

IMHO, I don't feel that in front of the holy-crap-it's-actually-working! escalator during the morning rush hour commute is really the best place to stand and read your free newspaper.

AND, let's just say that you do find this to be acceptable behavior, you really shouldn't yell at people who bump into you or make snarky comments because YOU ARE IN THE FUCKING WAY! and quite frankly, I'm shocked some of these hard ass New Yorkers didn't just "help" you get on the escalator...

big sigh.

that is my public service announcement for the day. you may all go about your business, but if you're at South Ferry, watch out for the idiot blocking the escalators!

Make Up Your Mind

2011-08-25T22:27:00.001-04:00

There's nothing better than hearing someone scream at you "THIS IS WHY YOU'RE CLOSING!" because usually it is an incident by where the customer is trying to return/exchange something or access one of many services we used to provide, like public restrooms.

Here is my issue: if "THIS" (being bad customer service) is why we are going out of business, then why on earth are you expecting good customer service in the first place?

i'm just sayin'...

oh, and i'm also just sayin': you're in a bookstore, in theory you should be able to read--the signs, the notices, YOUR RECEIPT all of which say "ALL SALES FINAL. NO REFUNDS OR EXCHANGES" and yet...you still want to argue and feel justified in pulling the "THIS IS WHY" card.

yes, thankyou. thankyouverymuch. perhaps we should have gone with Ann's idea, which was to get a shirt that reads: "I'M the reason Borders is closing"

Doh!

2011-04-19T22:15:00.000-04:00

I completely posted that on the wrong blog. oh well, to tie into NYC, schlepping it to the airport will be fun. Although--probably also shocking to everyone who knows me--I'm all packed in ONE (that's right, one) suitcase :)

alright...so if you're here, go here instead for updates on our trip.

:)

Ready, Set, TURKEY!

2011-04-19T22:12:00.000-04:00

Alright. In a feat rarely seen before, I'm actually packed and ready to go. crazy, but true. of course, for those of you who know me well, you think i jest.

alas...all that's left is to give some lovin' to the very pouty pupcicle.

Places we (April and I) will be visiting are as follows (in no particular order):

Istanbul
Bodrum
Gallipoli
Troy
Ephesus
Kusadasi
Pamukkale
Kos
Tilos
Rhodes
Simi
Datca

I have a feeling that I'm missing a spot or two. Regardless, lots of beautiful places, bursting with beauty and history.

bon voyage!!

Stop, Drop, and Roll

2011-03-25T23:12:00.000-04:00

So I did something I haven't done in a long time...at least while sober. I fell.

What had happund was: I was running to bus stop because I had the light to cross the street and--for those of you who've never been to my house--navigating the sidewalk is quite a challenge because it's neither smooth nor level nor in one piece. My shoe caught a lip in the sidewalk and BAM! down I went. In the morning rush hour, with EVERYONE watching.

I even got a grass stain on my jeans!!

crazy!

Miss Manners

2011-02-09T11:46:00.000-05:00

So how does one tell the man standing very close to her (the bus was crowded, he wasn't being freakishly weird), that the stale smoke smell emitting from his body is making one gag?

THANKFULLY, my bus ride is only about 8 minutes...ahhh...I've never been so happy to get to the ferry and breathe the sweet air of freedom!

oh the joys of public transportation...

Pink Velour Jumpsuits...

2011-02-07T18:45:00.000-05:00

should NOT be worn by anyone over, let's say, 12 years old. ESPECIALLY when it looks like you borrowed it from your 12 year old daughter.

I think I need therapy for my eyes...and my brain, although honestly, I don't think there's anyway to get over trauma like that.

I'm just saying...

(un)Conditional, um, Love?

2010-12-28T23:56:00.000-05:00

Still Day 2 after the blizzard: home late, long day, and decide I just wanna get in my jammies and order chinese. So I call the Chinese place up the road, hoping they didn't close early. They finally answer (either they're really busy or contemplating whether or not to answer) and when i ask for delivery, the response was "maybe [loooong pause] where?...sigh [another looooong pause] okay, fine. what you want?"

well, you gotta love the honesty.

Yeah, Shut Up...Or Better Yet, Get Off!

2010-12-28T23:10:00.001-05:00

Day 2 After Blizzard: Buses are running, albeit verrrrry slowly. In fact, I missed 2 ferries whilst waiting...but anticipated this (kinda), so I wasn't too fussed. Finally get on a very packed bus and 2 stops later a young woman got on the bus and starts berating the bus driver about how she's been waiting for nearly 30 minutes. What's up with that?

She was quite shocked and gobsmacked when the driver, rather than apologizing, said "Only 30 minutes? You should be thankful because there are people on the bus that had to wait for an hour and thirty minutes! I'm sure they don't wanna hear you complain about only having to wait 30 minutes!"

Like LAX With A Twist...

2010-10-13T21:56:00.000-04:00

Anyone spending a considerable amount of time in LAX will hear overhead announcements that more-or-less (what? it's been awhile since i've been there, since I try to avoid LAX like the plague...) sound like:

"Attention travelers, the Los Angeles International Airport does not authorize nor support anyone who asks you for money. You are not obligated to give donations to anyone asking for money."

Meanwhile, here in New York City, I overheard in Penn Station:

"Attention MTA customers, panhandling on trains and platforms is illegal. Do not support illegal activities. If you wish to help out the less fortunate, the best way to do so is to give donations to local charities that support them. Thank you."

Geez, That's Helpful.

2010-10-05T19:43:00.001-04:00

Last night on the bus home (which normally takes about 6 or 7 minutes for those of you who've never visited me), the bus, which normally pulls out of the ferry terminal and turns left, made a right turn.

Okay, so any minute the driver is going to make an announcement.

Annnny minute now...

Annnnnnny minute...

Finally, a passenger asked the bus driver where we were going, to which she replied "well, duh, we're taking a detour."

ooookay...

I'm Waiting...Waiting...Waiting...

2010-09-25T15:02:00.001-04:00

so I'm taking a food handlers course, as required by work and it's online, which is great; however, each module has a predetermined study time limit, so usually I read through every module twice, click on the "take the test button" and am told I have not spent enough time reading the materials. I then have to wait until it thinks I'm ready to take the test. NEWS FLASH: i'm not doing any additional studying here. I'm updating twitter, FB, and watching the football game.

Anyway, I'm currently waiting to take the test for a module named "Personal Hygiene," which I think is fairly straight-forward and with a bit of common sense anyone could probably pass this quiz without reading any of the module...alas, I wait.

While waiting, the last page usually recaps the module and in this case, I feel that it's my public service announcement to issue the following:

At the beginning of each workday, ask yourself the following seven questions:
Did I shower or take a bath before coming to work?
Am I sick with a fever, cold or diarrhea?
Do I have any infected cuts or burns?
Are my nails clean, trimmed and free from nail polish?
Are my apron and clothing clean?
Did I remove my jewelry?
Am I wearing my hat, cap or hairnet?

yep. not rocket science, and i trust you can use deductive reasoning how to fix each question (ie. take a shower, clip your nails, don't go to work if you have a fever, cold, or diarrhea). Meanwhile, I have to wait at least 20 more minutes to take the quiz.

waiting...waiting...waiting...

I Sure As Hell Hope That's Not Earwax...

2010-09-23T22:55:00.000-04:00

As I'm headed up the escalator at work, I observe two ladies riding down. One thrusts a q-tip at the other and says "hey, smells this! I think it smells fabulous!"

Scarily enough, the second woman agreed...

Are There Restaurants or Do They Just Eat In?

2010-09-19T22:31:00.000-04:00

I think she was trying to compare omnivores & vegetarians--in fact, I know she was...which makes the following statement--in my opinion--even funnier:

There are just as many cannibals here as omnivores.

Wait? WHAT?!?!?!?

I'm still chuckling...

That's What You Get When You Buy a GPS Out of a Van on Canal St.

2010-09-19T22:16:00.000-04:00

this is an actual phone conversation:

Where are you now?
Whaddya mean Pennsylvania?
You said you were going to Atlantic City.
Aaaand, that's in the middle of Jersey. Why are you driving back to New York from New Jersey via Pennsylvania?
I don't care. Just tell me what time you think you might actually arrive.

OOPS.

Unwilling to Comprise Sound Quality for Fashion..

2010-09-10T21:01:00.001-04:00

Saw a guy with a great mohawk that stood at least 6-8 inches high...EXCEPT...for an inch in the back. It was flattened down so that his headphone (think vintage 70s, but with all the bells & whistles of modern day technology) band could snugly fit around his head...

Wait...What?

2010-09-08T09:33:00.005-04:00

a subway ad I saw the other day:

Still A Virgin?
Call For Help
1-800.....

No Thanks...I'll Pass...

2010-08-23T22:28:00.001-04:00

So there's a deli down the street that I pass at least twice a day on the bus. The other day traffic was backed up and the bus was stopped in front of the deli long enough for me to read the sign offered CULD CUTS & SANDWICHES.

um...

um...

um...

no thanks?

Um, I Second That Motion...

2010-08-01T20:12:00.000-04:00

Overheard on the phone:

"I know it's her party, but don't care what she wants! We are NOT, lemme repeat NOT, having a baby shower at Golden Corral."

The Problem with Graffiti: No Spell Check.

2010-06-16T02:31:00.000-04:00

As seen in the subway (and you can't make this stuff up):

"MTA sucks / bunchov crocked theives!"

so many comments. so little time...and then right next to it:

"black bitchs love white dick"

the best part of this is that someone else felt the need to set the record straight:

"um, no they don't"

FLEET WEEK!

2010-06-01T13:22:00.001-04:00

or as Brie likes to call it: her favorite week of the year.

'nough said.

:)

I'm Just Sayin'

2010-05-28T21:48:00.003-04:00

The subway doors aren't going to open any faster if you kick them. I only mention this because I saw it three--THAT'S RIGHT! THREE--times today!

really?!?!??!?

OMG, Are You Kidding Me?

2010-04-29T21:54:00.002-04:00

So I met the biggest ass this morning on my train ride.

I realize that you may be thinking "yeah, aren't all New Yorkers?" but no, most aren't asses...perhaps a bit oblivious or zoning off into their own i-pod entranced world and often confrontational, but usually not just an ass for ass's sake (unless sports are involved, then all bets are off)....I mean, even my puke guy apologized profusely and seemed mortified by his behavior.

But I digress...on the way to work this morning, I get on the train and it's pretty full and seats are limited, but it's 6:30am and I don't really feel like standing. I look over and see a guy sitting with his feet up on the seats, taking up 3 seats. OH HELL NO! So I walk over and say, "excuse me I'd like to sit" (yes, I am capable of manners, contrary to most people's beliefs, even at that ungodly hour), so he draws his legs towards him and "opens" one seat for me.

Except that really he's a bit big (and i'm not talking old here) to be sitting like that...so his legs keep trying to slide out, except that my leg is blocking any progress. This is how we rode and the ONLY thing giving me me reprieve was the fact that he was obviously so uncomfortable...i, of course, pretended to ignore his existence, until I reached my stop, got up, shook my head, wiped his footprints off my coat, and loudly exclaimed "fucking ridiculous," and walked off the train--looking back, only once, still shaking my head to find him staring at me.

I wonder if he was able to straighten out his legs properly??? Without a bit of contriteness, I would like to say "I hope not."

Yeah, Riiiight....

2010-04-18T21:45:00.002-04:00

So I'm walking the pupcicle; we're minding our own business, happily strolling along when we pass three slightly inebriated, scantily clad people who are ogling at the size of the pupcicle (okay, she is quite large, especially in New Yorker terms)...and one of them comments:

"Shheee-it! That dog bite me, I don't care how big he is, I gonna bite his ass back"

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

stupid beyotch.

in case you're wondering, NO, i did not let Addy bite her to see what she would actually do. what? you know I don't allow Addy to eat crap off the street (yeah, i said it)...

The Ultimate in Recharging...

2010-04-12T15:08:00.001-04:00

Overheard in the cafe:

Excuse me sir, do you mind if I plug myself in?

Well That's Certainly Good Information To Have...

2010-04-07T22:09:00.002-04:00

Overheard in the library today:

med student #1 (yes, i know he was a med student, as he was loudly discussing having to schedule his boards for this summer with med student #2, who just got finished scheduling hers...OI! PEOPLE! this is a LIBRARY, i'd rather not listen to your conversation, thankyouverymuch....but if you're going to be accommodating and make it entertaining, then i'm going to blog about it...)

And since I'm interrupting anyway, Butler--for those of you not familiar with Columbia University--is the main library at the downtown campus (or as Momma calls it "the pretty campus, why can't you take classes here??")

ahem, where was I? oh yeah...

Med student #1: Eeeuww, I can't go study in Butler, those people stink in there.

Med student #2: ha ha ha...what? stink? like they don't bathe?

Med student #1: Nooo, well, maybe, but it's hot and smelly and they're all sweaty. It's too hard to concentrate, I'd rather just stay here, it's not as close to home, but smells A LOT better.

um. thanks, i think...

Wait, what?

2010-03-14T21:14:00.004-04:00

Outside of work today there was a woman asking for "a drink, anyone, I just need a drink. A beer? A shot? I know it's wrong, but it's cold and I want a drink, anything, please..."

Walking past is a man, who gives her the rest of his bottle and said "here, you look like you need this more than me."

The woman pulls out the bottle, looks at it, hands it back and says "no thanks, I don't drink vodka."

If You Don't Like Being Accidentally Bumped, Then Perhaps The New York City Public Transportation System Isn't For You.

2010-02-22T22:45:00.005-05:00

I'm on the subway this evening--and it's about 7pm, so still within the confines of "rush hour"--on a fairly crowded subway. There is a lady who, along with her backpack, is taking up at least 2, but more like 3, seats and had her arm on the armrest with her elbow hanging completely off the other side.

Standing on the fairly crowded subway is a young teenage girl, who is holding on, but looses her balance just enough to bump into the aforementioned lady's elbow around every time the train starts or stops. After a couple of stops the lady sitting down taking up 2-3 seats on the fairly crowded subway with her elbow sticking out, yells at the girl standing up "is it necessary for you to bump into me?"

really, lady? as I'm standing with 3 bags of groceries, i'd happily trade places with you and the girl can bump into me as much as she wants...oh wait! perhaps after the first stop, I'd MOVE MY ELBOW...

Talk About Cojones....

2009-10-29T19:16:00.002-04:00

As I'm getting on the bus this morning, I'm waiting for this guy who is blocking the doorway and is asking the bus driver for a transfer ticket.

As it's raining and not wanting to miss a ferry, I'm thinking "why didn't you get a transfer when you got on?"

Then I hear the bus driver say "NO! you cannot have a transfer ticket. You didn't pay when you got on, I was being nice, but now, man, get off my bus!"

Wow...That Certainly Is Classsssyyyyy....

2009-08-24T15:16:00.003-04:00

I'm at the bus stop, on my way to the grocery store (read: in old jeans, t-shirt, no make-up, and hair pulled back sloppily...you know, my normal look--ha!) when a suburban is turning the corner, honks, driver is hanging his head out of the window yelling "damn baby you look fiiiine!"

I look around, no one else nearby.

Great, thanks Mr. I'm-Driving-Around-With-My-Wife/Girlfriend/Baby Momma-And-3-Kids.

Yeah, What Are You Thinking???

2009-08-08T13:22:00.002-04:00

So this teenage girl walked into the laundrymat this morning with her 10 & 8ish year old brothers and starts putting randomly putting laundry into the washers. Watching her with his mouth wide open staring, the 10 year brother yells: "What are you thinking?!? You have to separate the laundry first! Urgh...do I have to do everything myself???"

Reindeer, Beware!

2009-07-29T21:17:00.004-04:00

At 8:08 tonight, I was walking into the Ferry Terminal, thinking that I was going to catch the 8:30 ferry, however, to my delight the 8:00 ferry was late and thus just boarding.

As I about to reach ferry doors, the guards start to close one of them (there are two). All of a sudden from behind me, a 70-ish year old woman comes running (shuffling) towards the door that is closing. There is a guard standing between her and the closing door, motioning for people (ie the shuffling Grandma) to use the door that is still open (ie the door that I, along with about 20 other people, am using).

Oh, but no. Shuffling Grandma, in a haste to make the ferry does not see/does not notice/is not aware of the motioning guard or the group of people veering towards the other door. Instead she opts to shimmy the gap between the closing door and the guard directing people to the wide-open-not-closing door. Well, in the course of trying to shimmy, she slightly loses her balance, runs into the guard, then bounces back onto the closing door and then twists, trips, and stumbles through the ferry door, which has now closed. She then stands up, straightens her dress, turns to the guard, still completely oblivious to all the people coming in through the still wide-open-not-closing door and says (I kid you not):

Do you fucking mind? I'm trying to catch the ferry!

At which point all the guard could do was shake his head and chuckle at the complete ridiculousness of it all...

I'm Not Judging You Lady, But....

2009-07-22T14:59:00.007-04:00

Do you really think it's a good idea to smoke while walking around with your oxygen tank?

Okay, fine...do whatever you want, but could you please NOT walk next to me NOR get on the ferry that I'm about to board? I would hate for your stupidity to cause me to have to swim to Staten Island and fill out a police report.

Thank You, Mr. Obvious!

2009-07-17T17:20:00.002-04:00

Overheard in the Hershey's Store in Times Square (father to his son):

I KNOW! It smells just like chocolate!

HELLO GENIUS! WE'RE IN THE HERSHEY STORE! I'm pretty sure it IS chocolate....

The Irony Is, Well, Ironical...

2009-06-28T21:39:00.002-04:00

So I went to the Gay Pride Parade with a few friends today. Had a great time, but let me just make the following comments:

1. I find it highly unfair that I was surrounded by many, many, many gorgeous men, all of whom were interested in...checking each other out.

2. To all the women wearing white bras and shorts/pants/skirts: really? you couldn't have at least found a pretty or colorful bra to wear?? maybe a swim suit top, which would have been waaay more appropriate??? I get that you wanted to show lots of skin (whether or not you should) and it was hot, but who told you this was appropriate attire for leaving the house? More importantly, WHY on earth did you listen to them??

EEEEUUUUWWW!

2009-06-28T21:31:00.002-04:00

So I'm on the subway and notice something on my shoe. Thinking it's a bit of paper, I went to pull it off, only to discover that it is actually a band-aid, which is now sticking to my hand....which i'm trying to fling off (quite unsuccessfully) while trying not to loudly squeal "eeuuwww! eeeuuuww!!!"

finally managed to get it off my hand, not even caring that it's on the floor (and will probably end up back on my shoe), wondering if I have anything to clean my hands. as i'm rifling through my bag with my non-band-aid attacked hand, I look up to see a lady holding out anti-bacterial gel (with a slightly disgusted-why-did-you-even-touch-it-in-the-first-place look on her face).

ahhh...to my anti-bacterial savior: thank you! thank you! thank you!

Tourists....OBVIOUSLY!

2009-06-04T15:56:00.002-04:00

So...living up to my grandmother's (that would be Ome for those of you who know her) nickname: Miss Grace (as in, I'm anything BUT graceful)...

I slipped and fell yesterday on 33rd Street between 7th & 8th (for those of you wondering, yes, right outside of Borders). It was all in slow-mo and for a split second I didn't think I was going down but alas, the foot I was using to balance myself slid onto a manhole lid and just kept sliding.

It was, however, quite graceful in that I slid to the ground, took a knee, and then sat. All without--at least to my knowledge--flashing anyone, because, well, OF COURSE i was in a skirt!

IMMEDIATELY, I was swarmed by about 6 people, all inquiring if I was okay and several offering to help me up....tourists, definitely, tourists.

CURSES!

2009-05-10T16:02:00.002-04:00

So I've lost Alfred (my phone)....he fell out of my bag while at dinner with Erica and of course, no one at the restaurant remembers seeing him...

phooey! i just lost a TON of posts I needed to make!!

figures.

and of course, since it's the second phone I've lost in a year, I have to fill out an affidavit in order to process my claim and send me a new (but not red) phone.

double curses!

Talkin' To You Cordless!

2009-04-23T22:29:00.002-04:00

YES! I just found out I can send in posts via my phone!!

Wheeee!

You have no idea how exciting this is! I have at least a 1/2 dozen memos on my phone about posts I wanted to make, but can't remember because I only put one or two words (because at the time, I knew I'd NEVER forget).....

You Can Leave Your Socks On....

2009-04-09T12:34:00.002-04:00

So I'm having my annual check up...and after playing 58 questions with the doctor--whom I love!--she asks me to "completely disrobe and put on a gown...oh but it's cold in here, I guess you can leave your socks on if you'd like."

uh...thanks!

Speaking Of....

2009-04-02T21:29:00.001-04:00

If you can get accepted into an Ivy League University, you should be able to go to the bathroom without peeing on the seat....or at least have the common courtesy to clean up after yourself.

What? You Prefer That Fresh Pee Smell???

2009-04-01T22:42:00.003-04:00

So I'm in the brand new subway station walking behind two ladies, one of whom is babbling non-stop about how it is about time they opened the new station, can't imagine how much it cost, look how clean and shiny everything is, etc. etc. Then she stopped looked around and said "Geez, why does it smell like paint in here?!?!?"

Really? REALLY?

Not Just Cool...But Green

2009-03-21T21:47:00.000-04:00

The escalators at the brand new subway station are motioned sensored...so when no one is on them for 5-ish minutes, they will stop...only to resume when someone gets on...

definitely cool...and nice not having to run up 3 flights of stairs to catch the ferry...

:)

mmmm...I Love That New Station Smell....

2009-03-17T01:16:00.002-04:00

So they've completely redone the subway station at the ferry (very badly needed)....and it is very beautiful (although whether it's worth the $25/month fare hike I'm about to pay for is still debatable) and has that "new" smell, which is a refreshing change to the dank, pee and body odor smell of the old subway station...

I Heart JR

2009-03-15T10:18:00.000-04:00

Forget tattoos, nothing says I Love You like getting it painted on one of your 2 1/2 inch-starting-to-curl-because-it's-so-long nail...

Not quite sure who JR is, but I'm quite sure he's a lucky man...

El Heat?

2009-03-10T01:15:00.001-04:00

WTF? is up with The Heat's jerseys that say El Heat?

el stupido....

I Don't Care How Cute You Are...

2009-02-05T22:32:00.002-05:00

Or how sexy your bedroom eyes are, when the temperature with the wind chill is 2F, it's not sexy or cool to wear designer jeans with holes in them.

Cold maybe, but definitely not cool.

Dumbledore? Is that you?

2009-02-05T21:53:00.002-05:00

So I'm sitting in class waiting for it to start, when a classmate tells 3 other classmates in three different instances in a span of 10 minutes "never ask me that, just know I know."

WTF?

I'm All for Being Green....but really?

2009-01-25T13:41:00.000-05:00

I was reading in the paper the other day about a lady who bit (yes, bit) a bus driver.

Why you ask?

Because she was waiting for a hybrid bus (NYC is slowly switching all the buses to hybrids) for over an hour and finally gave up and got on this poor guy's bus and started yelling at him about it. He responded that he had no control over which bus they gave him to drive, sometimes it's hybrid and sometimes it's not. When she continued being belligerent, he asked all the passengers to get off and called the police, whereby the lady bit him--so hard that through a jacket a sweater and a shirt, she left marks on his arm...

Big, Fat, Fluffy Flakes of SNOW!!!

2008-12-17T00:52:00.002-05:00

Walking the pupcicle while it's snowing? Fun and magical....

Having the snow turn to sleet halfway through your walk? Not so fun or so magical...

I'm Sorry, But...

2008-12-09T00:48:00.000-05:00

If I can hear your R.Kelly over my Metallica, your i-pod is TOO DAMN LOUD!

i'm just saying...for the sake of your hearing, you might wanna turn it down a decibel.

That's Dedication, BABY!

2008-11-17T21:11:00.003-05:00

Were you watching Monday Night Football and see the Bills fan so dedicated (AKA CRAZY!) that he waxed two sections of his chest--one for the Bills buffalo and the other spot was written ESPN? Well, he certainly made it on tv....probably has frost bite for his dumbass standing without a shirt in 30F--22F with the windchill....

brrrrrrrr....glad I'm here on my couch in my fuzzy, flannel pj's...

Procrasinators/Slackers/Grad students Unite!

2008-11-17T21:03:00.002-05:00

On Mondays I have a two classes and tutorial. So my tutorial group is standing in the hall waiting to go into the classroom...planning the best way to stretch out discussion about today's lecture, as we all realize that none of us has really done the 5 article readings that we assigned.

Nothing like the fear of being called on to recap an 10 page unread article to unite us into a game plan more intricate than any in the NFL...

OMFG...ARE YOU SERIOUS????

2008-11-11T00:05:00.002-05:00

So, I'm watching the news and the top story:

Local NJ councilman was reprimanded for peeing on a crowd.

WTF?!?!?

Apparently, he was at a concert (Yanni perhaps?), sitting in the balconey and (I'm guessing) couldn't make it to the men's room and decided that the next best thing was to relieve himself onto the people below.

Don't know about you, but if I were his constituent, next election I'd be voting for the other guy...

See? See? I'm Not the Only One Who Noticed!!

2008-10-27T23:15:00.003-04:00

I have a professor who does a lot of work on naturally occurring arsenic levels in soil and drinking water. One of the highest areas in the country is in New Hampshire, where he wanted to go and do studies on blood levels in residents to see how much they are absorbing from the water but decided on Maine. Why? Because

"have you ever seen a NH license plate? It says "live free or die" and they live by that! when you ask them to participate, they say no!"

See! I'm NOT the only person who noticed!!

Take That Punkass!

2008-10-25T23:38:00.000-04:00

So we're on the bus home and these 3 teenagers get on, one of which does't have fare and is begging the bus driver to let him on. It's raining, it's cold, the bus driver--i think--is about to agree...when his punkass friend walked to the front, grabbed his friend and said "just get on--he can't do anything."

well "he" turned OFF the bus and we sat there--with EVERYONE staring at the boys while the driver explained he's not going anywhere until the fare jumper and his disrespectful friend got off his bus. and there we sat...for a good 5 minutes until off in the distance police sirens could be heard...

needless to say, the fare jumper (who apologized), the punkass (who fled), and the other kid (who apologized) got off the bus....and along we went.

i wanted to applaud, but in a moment everyone went back to reading/listening to their ipod, talking, and soon the moment was gone.

GOOD ON YA! MR. BUS DRIVER!!!! :)

Where's Sister Maria When You Need Her?

2008-09-24T18:49:00.000-04:00

Today I realized the importance of ipods on the train...when 9 teenagers came into my car (and by my car, I mean, the car in which I am sitting).

Now teenagers are loud anyway and there are no seats for them so they are all standing in the middle of the aisle, congregrated around one poor man, whom I believe I saw turning up his ipod.

Not that it would have helped, as all of a suddened they broke out into singing:

do mi re fa mi so fa la so ti la do mi re fa mi so fa la so ti la do mi re fa mi so fa la so ti la do....

over and over and what? are you kidding me? now they're singing in rounds! great. i'm sick and want to just be at home in bed, cuddling with the pupcicle, and here I am--stuck on the local train, making alllll stops, with the deliquent von Trapp children.

oi.

I Talk Good!!!

2008-09-19T14:02:00.000-04:00

so apparently, I'm a little tired.

Last night while Brie and I were closing, rather than saying "keep bringing 'em (aka the dishes) to me"--i SHOUT...not talk loudly, not emphasize, but shout: "KEEP BRINGING ME 'UMMMMM"

wow. of course once Brie stopped laughing and could breathe and wiped the tears from her face, she acknowledged that might have been this best thing that has ever come out of my mouth.

Personally, I think perhaps she hit her head a bit hard when she fell UP the down escalator...I guess only time will tell...

Hey! You Tawking to Me?

2008-09-16T23:58:00.000-04:00

So does anyone know if Robert DeNiro has a brother who work for NYC MTA? I saw a guy in an MTA uniform sitting in the ferry terminal who looked exactly like Mr. DeNiro...

OH AND guess who I did see in the subway:

Tom Cavanaugh....it looked like he'd been running in Central Park, so I wasn't getting too close...

Um, Pun Intended?

2008-09-08T22:20:00.000-04:00

overheard in class re: transgender prostitutes, who are expected to perform as the male

"do you know how hard it is to keep your erection while taking massive doses of estrogen?"

While I'm Neither Stacy nor Clinton...

2008-08-28T16:19:00.000-04:00

I'm pretty sure I'm fashion-savvy enough to know that if you're going to be a freebird and not wear a bra, but yet want to wear a tank top, please do the world a favor and make sure it adequately covers your large sagging boobs. Not only would it be considered What Not To Wear, but nobody--especially me--needs to see that at 8am.

Your cooperation in this matter is greatly appreciated...

You Know Perhaps You Should Be Grateful He Even Stopped...

2008-08-20T10:30:00.000-04:00

My bus stop is under a bit of construction currently (I'm not quite sure how, but there's a HUGE hole in the street exactly in front of the bus stop), so it's anyone's guess where the bus driver will stop: before the bus stop, after the bus stop, in front of the bus stop but in the middle of street thus blocking traffic on one of Staten Island's busiest streets while waiting for everyone to pile on the bus. I should also mention that as the bus approaches the stop, it is going around a curve and downhill, so probably not the easiest stop to make. There has been more than one occasion where the bus driver, not paying attention or in a hurry or just didn't see me has driven past without so much as a backward glance.

So this morning, waiting on the bus...with the slowest walker on the planet in front of me (I know, I was following her down the sidewalk and because not only is she slow, she's also a weaver, I couldn't pass her). The bus stops LITERALLY 3 steps (I counted) from where she was standing. 3 STEPS and once she FINALLY heaved herself onto the bus starts yelling at the bus driver for passing us by and berating him for not wanting to stop for us.

WTF? 3 STEPS LADY...that is all you had to move...really, really you're going to yell at him because you had to take 3 STEPS to get on the bus?!?!?!?!?

wow.

Hmmm...Well That Explains A Lot!

2008-08-20T10:28:00.000-04:00

No wonder I'm so confused/confusing...I took a questionnaire on AOL this morning trying to figure out if I'm right brained or left brained, out of the 10 questions asked, I answered 5 questions like a right brainer and 5 questions like a left brainer...

whadda ya suppose that means??

Tour Guide

2008-08-18T12:41:00.000-04:00

I'm becoming quite the tour guide--perhaps I'll just do that instead of 2 jobs and school.

The secret: have visitors so exhausted by the end of their trip, they're not sure if they're coming or going and thus are quite sure they did everything :)

A Texas Democrat--Ain't No Such Thang!

2008-08-15T16:19:00.000-04:00

So while Christi & Tracy were visiting we sought refuge from the rain one afternoon near my theatre job on the Upper West Side at a cool little bar call The Blue Donkey.

Of course, being Texans, Christi & I have to talk with everyone and soon we befriended people sitting at the bar. Here's the conversation that got the ball rolling:

Guy to Christi: "Do you live around here?"
Girl sitting next to Guy: "Are you nuts, look how they're dressed--they're tourists!"
Guy to Christi: "Really, where are you from?"
Tracy: "Texas."
Guy to Christi: "So what brings you to this bar?" (NOT a touristy place)
Christi (pointing to the blue donkey on the wall): "We're democrats!"
Laughter erupts!
Girl sitting next to Guy: "Wait, you mean there is such a thing as a Texas Democrat?"

ps--on a sad note, the Guy was very disheartened to learn that Tracy belonged to Christi and not to me. pooooor Guy....

Hey Lady Do You Mind???

2008-08-15T11:31:00.000-04:00

While on the bus headed to escape the rain in a fabulous little bar on the Upper West Side called the Blue Donkey, Christi is attempting to get her insulin prescription renewed--which is turning into an ordeal.

She's on the phone with the pharmacist, who cannot hear her, so Christi is talking loudly. Not shouting, not yelling, just talking above a normal speaking voice. There are only 2 other people on the bus with Christi, TK, and I: an older gentleman and a grouchy old hag (any guesses as for whom this story will be about??)

The grouchy old hag turns around and yells at Christi "Do you mind? We all have lives and we all have problems but we don't need to hear yours!"

Christi does very well, and ignores her. Mrs. Hag is looking around for confirmation, when gentleman sighs and shakes his head at her in an "really, that was over-the-top, lady" kinda way.

TK is trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, and because Christi is still on the phone and still having a hard time being heard, I nearly bit my tongue in half trying not to tell Mrs. Hag to mind her own business.

The best part: later on, Mrs. Hag's on the phone talking LOUDER than Christi ever did...and again, I had to bite my tongue to prevent from being incredibly rude and very non-PC and saying "since you're being so loud and we have to listen to you anyway, you mind speaking in English so that we can all know what you're saying?" what? i refrained...

The kicker: is that later on there was a New Yorker talking even louder and about very inappropriate things for a general public bus ride and Ms. Hag didn't say one single, solitary word....

never a dull moment....never!

Yes, No, Maybe So...

2008-07-31T12:32:00.000-04:00

I think I just saw Andy Pettitte (my favorite Yankees pitcher) walking into the subway as I was walking out!

Here was my thought process...I'm sure you can picture it well:

"SIGH. I don't really want to go to work tod--hmm...that guy looks like Andy Pettitte. No. Couldn't be. Andy Pettitte doesn't ride the subway! Why not? Anderson Cooper rides the subway."

ALL but staring at him as I'm going out the turnstile and he's coming in the one right next to me "holy fuck. it's Andy Pettitte! don't stare, just keep walking...."

well, maybe it was and maybe it wasn't...but that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Dear April, Wendy, and Michael and Everyone else who wants to send me fun things in the mail OR are planning a visit...

2008-07-22T12:34:00.000-04:00

To April: THANK YOU for not sending any drugs or bombs or drug or bomb related materials in your latest care package--it got a sniff down from the ferry dogs. To Wendy and Michael: see occasionally the ferry dogs work....not often, but occasionally.

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

2008-07-13T11:25:00.000-04:00

So we're on the uptown 4 train headed to YANKEE stadium. In a train car filled with people who are obviously going to the game.

Thankfully.

Sitting next to Wendy is a little boy about 4--maaaybe 5--who's just enjoying the train ride, chatting about the game, mimicing the train sounds. Several stops before YANKEE stadium, the train actually surfaces, as it travels above ground in the Bronx. The boy looking around, looks at his dad and says "Have you noticed the further north you go, the poorer it gets?"

I Mean Really?

2008-07-11T13:05:00.001-04:00

Do you think it's the best idea to have your Chinese Food Restaurant next door to an Animal Hospital?

'Stache Day at Yankee Stadium...

2008-07-10T01:06:00.000-04:00

Well you have to hand it to the Yankees for, um, supporting their players. Who else would create Moustache Day at their ballpark and give away free fake moustaches to the first 20,000 people who arrive at the stadium because one player grew a moustache, got out of a hitting slump, and was vying for the last spot on the All-Star Team???

WTF???

2008-06-29T15:15:00.001-04:00

rain? in the middle of summer? WTF??? no, i did NOT bring an umbrella with me to go grocery shopping--it's SUMMER! and there wasn't a cloud in the sky when I left. However an hour later as I'm waiting for the bus with my groceries, the sky opens up and I'm drenched waiting for the bus....

you know, while I'm thinking about it, most of my weather WTF stories usually involve groceries...hmmm...maybe I should have them delivered...

Superpoke Bliss

2008-06-23T23:02:00.000-04:00

SuperPoke! 1941 more friend(s) to reach the next level! (and get new actions!)

muwahahahahaha...i'm gonna be poking people left and right. wait...

Brilliant!

2008-06-14T13:41:00.001-04:00

So I'm flying back to NYC via Dallas. I get on a plane from San Antonio to Dallas, where I am to switch planes to fly to NYC. As I'm boarding the plane in San Antonio, I notice that my flight stops over in Dallas (where I deboard and change terminals to switch planes) and then heads on into New York City.

Wow. The efficiency of American Airlines is genius! Almost as great as flying me from Austin to San Fran via a 4 hour layover in Salt Lake City....

Handfasting

2008-06-09T00:10:00.000-04:00

I think Sheila has the right idea:

small simple backyard 7 min ceremony. gourmet meal afterwards with the most divine raspberry white chocolate cake. wait 'til all the church of christ in-laws leave and then break out the champagne. no stress, no fuss, just enjoying the day with a few close friends...in a FUCKING AWESOME red wedding dress!!

God Bless Dougie...

2008-06-03T09:07:00.000-04:00

Dougie picks me up at the airport. Dougie takes me to get BBQ at Rudy's. Dougie takes me to Luckenbach for a beer. Dougie can pick me up at the airport ANYTIME....

:)

Move Your Issues Off the Road!

2008-05-28T22:48:00.001-04:00

I'm sorry, but if it's 7:55 am on a weekday and you're driving down the main road to the Ferry Terminal, here's a tip:

don't drive 5mph. it's rude. almost as rude as slowing down even further to wave at people. if you wanna wave, find a parade. I'm all for being friendly, but not at the expense of missing my ferry, because if the bus driver is honking at you....your driving SUCKS!

Section 17

2008-05-28T22:36:00.000-04:00

As was told to me by a coworker:

Immediately following this intercom announcement: "Security, please respond to Section 17. Security, Section 17." A very touristy looking woman ran up to her husband and in a panic gushed "I hope we're not in Section 17!"

I'm pretty sure they left the store not too long after that...

Okay, Stupid Ass...

2008-05-26T09:03:00.000-04:00

Don't be sitting on your front steps, clapping your hands, making kissing noises, and saying "oh puppy, puppy" at my dog and then YELL at me when she comes over to you and wants you to pet her.

STUPID ASS what did you think she'd do? normally people will cross the street to avoid her and she thinks that she's about to make a new friend.

here's your sign...

I'm Sorry, The Niceties MUST Be Observed...

2008-05-22T21:42:00.000-04:00

So, I'm waiting for the bus with 3 little old ladies and one little old man. It was my intention to let them ALLLLLLL get on before me.

UNTIL, that is, the little old man--and by little I mean the old-grouchy-pushy-grump, who nearly knocked over the little old ladies so that he could get on the bus first, even though he was the LAST person to arrive at the bus stop. Well, he OBVIOUSLY was not raised any better and I don't care if he was 98 (okay, really, he was probably 70ish), i slid in and conviently blocked his entry allowing the little old ladies to get on first...while conviently ignoring his yelling at me. perhaps i should've turned up my hearing aid!

Not As Quickly As I'd Like, But I'll Definitely Take It!

2008-05-21T22:17:00.001-04:00

overheard getting off of the ferry yesterday:

Spurs over LA in 7

GO SPURS GO!!!!

In Case You Forgot....

2008-05-19T15:29:00.001-04:00

14 days 'til TEXAS!!!

TGTFSIO!

2008-05-19T15:27:00.000-04:00

That would be Thank God This Fucking Semester Is Over!

yes, i cursed. you'd be cursing to if it happened to you!!

I've Got Mail!

2008-05-19T15:20:00.001-04:00

I got a box full of delicious and fun goodies!!! It was the perfect pick-me-up from the week from hell last week...THANKS APRIL the MAGNANIMOUS!!!

Here's A Tip

2008-05-19T14:59:00.000-04:00

Here's a tip for taxi drivers in the 5 boroughs for wheedling out more of my hard earned cash for your tip:

1. Don't SCREAM at me the following words: "IF YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO USE THE CREDIT CARD MACHINE, JUST GIVE ME CASH."

and for the first time in my life i did NOT tip the driver. and I yelled back. AND i slammed the car door. (i know, i know--i've committed a plethora of southern sins in a span of 3 minutes)

2. Don't get pissy with me because i just screamed STOP! because your radio is BLARING and you can't hear the directions/address that I just gave you and you first missed the road that directly gets us there, and then missed my house because you couldn't hear me say stop the first 15 times and it's 10pm and we're now headed into the projects, where the police don't even venture after dark. and yes, he did get a small tip, but only because he knows where I live...

apparently Sunday--regardless of the time or borough--was NOT the day to take a taxi! grrr...

An Important Message from the National Peanut Farmers:

2008-05-09T23:22:00.000-04:00

What else goes so well with beer AND chocolate?

General Housekeeping Tips

2008-05-09T22:37:00.000-04:00

If your window doesn't stay open by itself, you can always use a bleach bottle.

If you're walking around in thongs (flip-flops) and they start rubbing blisters, use a napkin as a barrier between the flops and your feet.

If you're a plumber, you should consider wearing thongs (NOT flip flops), as I saw a girl bend over with her arse hanging out her pants and THANK GOD! she had on a thong, as I was seeing more crack than a Plumbers Convention. It was like a train wreck--you couldn't help but stare, even if you didn't wanna!

Under NO circumstances should you give anyone 8 shots of espresso....

Curses!

2008-05-02T19:59:00.000-04:00

Apparently Amazon.com no longer sells Beluga caviar...

Phooey on them!!

Manna from Heaven

2008-05-01T22:51:00.000-04:00

I think that if you find a phone on the bus and you use it to call Brooklyn 47 times, talking for 75 minutes to the SAME number, then you're a FUCKWIT and won't your Momma be proud...

But of course, since it was MY phone and MY minutes and it wasn't ME you were talking too, I'm a bit biased...

Thankfully Sprint in a very un-Sprint-like helpful fashion refunded my minutes (and thankfully it was only Brooklyn and not Timuktu!) and sent a replacement phone (with a $50 deposit of course)...of course, now I have to re-enter all of my contact information, not to mention all the ringers, photos, etc.

Oh and in case your wondering what an Ivy League education teaches you...

2008-04-27T22:06:00.000-04:00

1. Before deep frying tarantula, you MUST torch the hairs on it's legs as they are toxic.
2. The NYC Department of Health closely monitors the sale of diarrheal medications.
3. If, during a seminar of a visiting professor, the fire alarm goes off, the ONLY person in the room--of about 200 people--who asks if we should evacuate is the visiting professor.
4. Sweden is the only country in the world who spends more than 10% of it's GDP on mental health (this was pointed out by visiting professor, just before the fire alarm goes off...coincidence? you decide...)

Did you know....

2008-04-27T22:04:00.001-04:00

Blue dresses are the slutty dresses?

Yep. Must be true--heard it on the subway....

Calfiteria

2008-04-22T20:07:00.000-04:00

ha ha ha...'nough said...

Don't mess with....New Hampshire?

2008-04-21T22:39:00.001-04:00

License plates with state mottos:

Texas, The Lone Star State
Minnesota, Land of 10,000 Lakes
New York, The Empire State

New Hampshire, Live Free or Die....

um..okay...note to self: be nice to that neighbour!

A Little Thing Called TMI...

2008-04-17T20:51:00.001-04:00

So I'm on the train (yes, I'm ALWAYS on the train)...and this lady starts talking about trying to raise money for HIV+ children whose mother/father/main parental unit is in prison.

Alright fine....she gives the name, address, and web address for the charity organization she's working for--to give a bit more validity to her begging (yes, i have become that jaded, thankyouverymuch)....

then she launches into her life story: she's 50, she has 8 children--all from the same husband, 2 grandchildren. a husband that she had been married to for 26 years. a husband she came home to find in bed with a man. a husband who gave her HIV. a husband whom she tried to kill. "That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I was a resident of Singer for 7 years!" (which also explains the divorce)

needless to say, she had EVERYONE's attention...and even the most hard-core-i've-seen-and-heard-it-all-New-Yorker was shifting a bit uncomfortably in his or her (but especially his) seat.

well, i guess on the positive side, i've met someone who's been to Rikers....and no, i didn't give her a dollar....

Inflation!

2008-04-17T19:15:00.000-04:00

I'm heading to the train...and from behind me I hear a lady "can anyone give me two dollars? two--or wait....five dollars? anyone? i'd really, really like five dollars..."

Whadda ya mean....

2008-04-14T13:42:00.000-04:00

I can fly round trip right now to St. Maarten for the same price as I can fly ONE way to Austin or San Antonio? That's just wrong! wrong! wrong!

traveling travesties...

2008-04-07T21:20:00.000-04:00

Here are things heard/seen en route to class or work:

1. Who the F*** names their kid Gage? Really? Really? Why don't you just pin a sign on him that says "please beat me up, my parents are wankers!" oh wait...do you like the name Gage?

ahem...sorry got sucked into tagging the pics of New Years and my trip to MN...

2. Sat with a group of 5th-ish graders who were on their way to the Natural History museum...one proudly announced "when I grow up, I don't wanna work." wow. who knew that was an option?!?!?!?

3. So there's this guy on the subway who's talking--looking at the window across from his seat--i thought checking his hair and talking on his bluetooth...but no...turns out he was talking to his reflection in the window--telling it (you'll love this) "i know it was you that got me fired. don't think i don't know. you just need to get me my shit and get me back in or i'll go over your head with the boss down the street." he was gesturing and everything. needless to say, the girl sitting across from him, got up and switched seats--in another car...

4. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEuwwwwwwwwwwwww...this car smells like dead, rotting flesh. no seriously, i'm checking for body parts. EVERYONE got off at the next stop and switched to a different car. it was absolutely disgusting. how no one puked is beyond me. once safely in fresh air, we all just laughed.

5. Saw your doppleganger. CRAZY--red hair and all....she even had your mannerisms. you were 'bout to be in trouble for coming into town without telling me...although the boy you were with was kinda cute...

6. So I'm on the subway going from school to temp job when this punk ass kid across from me throws his GUM on the floor in front of the door. wanker! i'm about to say something when I decided no, I'd just warn the next person that walked through the door to watch out that kid threw his gum on the floor. Alas, no one came through the door...I noticed that punk ass kid is finishing the candy that caused the gum to be spit out in the first place and he's in the process of crumpling up the box (no doubt about to throw it on the floor), so I didn't say a word, shook my head (in a unFUCKingbelievable way) got up, picked up the gum with a napkin and sat back down. Still didn't say a word....but noticed that punk ass kid put his empty candy box in his pocket and I'd like to think that he threw it in the trash...i know, realistically it ended up on the ground somewhere else...but a girl can dream...a girl can dream...

7. Waiting for the ferry, standing in line in front of this mom and her daughter. Mom is laughing, daughter (about 6 or 7) says "Don't laugh at me." Mom says, "I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing because it was funny." To which the daughter replied "uh, no it wasn't!" doh!

8. For some reason, I can't stop thinking about bowling!

Hey Yo!

2008-04-03T15:53:00.001-04:00

So I'm grabbing a coffee, adding cream, trying to semi-rush to get to class to get a seat when this PUNK walks up to me and says:

"Hey Yo! Gimme a dollar."

I stop. I look at him--in the face, make eye contact, look him up and down. Said no. Walked off.

Gimme a dollar? Took every ounce of energy to not say "Hey Yo! Kiss My Ass"

Staten Island!

2008-04-02T14:36:00.001-04:00

According to the DoH website (from the seminar I just took) Staten Island had the highest rates of binge drinking and marijuana use of all the boroughs....niiiiice...

interesting musings...

2008-03-28T21:51:00.000-04:00

1. Cute boy at laundymat was a bit distracting and I ended up with my clothes in one washer and the soap and fabric softener in another one...doh! no sneaky way to correct that flub!!

2. The 99cent Store--Where Everything is 99cents and Up!

3. mmmmm....peanut butter cookies.......

4. Have FINALLY found a JETS store (it's in the Staten Island mall)...so when you're jonesing for JETS gear, I'm your girl!!

5. Remember the big covered things in the (SI side) Ferry esplande? Turns out they're HUGE aquariums...now filled with pretty, really big fish...